ubi sunt
by achille
Summary: "So, if I've got this down correctly," I said, "My new body was being rushed to the hospital by some crappy car. But that car ended up hitting this Haru girl and, by some freak turn of events, she ended up in what was supposed to be my body, and I ended up in her body? And her body was supposed to have died in that accident?" He nodded. "So, like, am I a zombie now?"


**A/N:** Inspired by LeoInuyuka's _Kind Of._ I highly recommend it!

* * *

« **.:.** «

**O**ne  
Where have you gone?

« **.:.** «

* * *

So, this morning, I choked to death on a pill. The pill, which turned out to be expired (I would have rolled in money if I was alive to sue my doctor) and didn't go down my throat or even burst. So I just sort of awkwardly stood hunched over in my bathroom chocking on it until I died. It was a 1/10 experience. Wouldn't recommend it.

Sorry, I do reviews for a part-time at this gig I scored at my campus. I'm trying to pay off my student debt while I'm in university. I have tendencies to rate things instead of just explicitly tell you they were good or bad. Annoying? Perhaps, but it's a habit I have yet to kill. Hah. No pun intended.

Anyway, I think it should be stated right now that I'm an atheist. So, the feeling of my being pulled out of my body and then floating about in some street in Asia was pretty disturbing. I didn't believe it at first. Actually, I don't think I even believe it right now.

"Hello," a deep masculine voice said. I looked up and saw the cherubic face of a black baby with wings. His dark eyes stared impassively into mine. "You are number 0312456, correct?"

I couldn't form words. This wasn't because I was literally some floating soul thing in the middle of some street in Asia, with Asian people all walking through or past me. No, what stole my words was the fact that this kid, this adorable black kid with tight curls and dark brown eyes, had a deep, manly voice that rivaled the voice of Morgan Freeman.

Oh, and he was like flying, too. But the voice was weirder, let me tell you that.

Either I was high out of my mind (stress gets to me, alright? I need a puff here and there), or I decided to get on some next level drugs and was on something like LSD.

"0312456," the kid said, "I know this is shocking but please bear with me. A blue car is going to pass by you in three minutes. When that happens, your soul will be dragged into your new body. Yes, you will be born in a car. Don't worry, you'll be fine. It'll make for great conversation in your later years, I assure you that."

I kind of just stared at the kid, my mouth hanging open. It was phenomenal, really. I must be on something crazier than LSD. Did I mix up some other hallucinogens together? If so, I am so selling that it. If I don't die from it, of course. I'd make a killing from it. Hah. I'm just dropping puns everywhere today, aren't I?

"You're not on drugs," the kid said, which was freaky but then again so was his voice, "You're dead, 0312456. But don't worry; we have an excellent reincarnation program. You'll be back in a body soon enough."

"S-so," I said, finally finding my words, "S-so, like, what are you? Are you an angel?"

"I prefer employee," the kid said. "My name is Matthew. Ah, your ride is here. It was nice meeting you, 0312456. Have a nice life."

I felt myself being violently pulled toward my right. Then there was the sound of a car making a really sharp turn, several horrified screams, the sound of a crash, and then I felt the sensation of pulling on static-y clothes.

The last thing I heard among the sounds of chaos was the kid, Matthew, silently swearing.

As for my last thought before I blacked out? _Man, I definitely need to put whatever drugs I took on the market. _

« **.:.** «

I woke up in a hospital. My body was killing me. I couldn't remember the last thing I was doing, to be honest. I didn't try to remember, either. I was in too much pain. I heard some beeping, the sounds of people moving around, and this dull, buzzing sound.

« **.:.** «

The next time I woke up, my throat was ridiculously raw. But this time, I could piece together what I had been doing before landing in this hospital. I remembered choking on that pill, then a series of freaky events – and that baby! Jesus Christ! That baby!

I was probably getting my stomach pumped from the drugs I took. While I prided myself in only doing minor drugs like marijuana, it wasn't a far cry to say I had done something as stupid as mix hallucinogens.

I tried to sit up, but found that it was too painful to do so. OK, that didn't make any sense. If I was so weary and exhausted that I couldn't move, that made sense. But this pain? That ruled out drugs. But then…what explained those crazy, vivid hallucinations?

"Hello, 0312456," a familiar deep voice said. Matthew was floating right above me. "Good to see you're awake. You've got a broken leg, a broken arm, three broken ribs, and you'll never be able to hear from your left ear again."

I wanted to say, "Excuse me?" but all that came out was a hoarse whisper.

"One second," he said, and then he tapped my throat. It felt almost immediately better after he did that.

"What the hell?" I said, testing my voice. It didn't sound like me at all, but hey, it wasn't a hoarse whisper. Wait_. It didn't sound like me at all_. "Why do I sound like this?"

"Calm down, you'll be fine," he assured me. "You ended up not entering the body assigned to you. This sort of thing sometimes happen."

"Well, what happened then?"

In a few words he explained my situation. I was gaping at him by the time he finished. This was a joke, right?

"So, if I've got this down correctly," I said, "My new body was being rushed to the hospital by some crappy car. But that car ended up hitting this Haru girl and, by some freak turn of events, she ended up in what was supposed to be _my _body, and I ended up in _her_ body? And_ her_ body was supposed to have died in that accident?"

He nodded.

"Okay," I said. "Okay. So, like, am I zombie now?"

"Not quite," he said. "You see, we don't have the power to interfere when souls are in the midst of entering new bodies. But don't worry, we'll be able to give you a new body soon."

"Really?" I asked, hopeful. That would be great. I'd rather not be inside a, y'know, used body. And not just because this body was hit by a c'ar, either. It felt wrong. I wanted a fresh start. Maybe I'd go drug free-wait, I'm an atheist.

"Listen, kid, this doesn't make any sen-"

I'm cut off by the sound of ringing and Matthew actually held up a finger said, "Excuse me," and pulled out a white cell from his diaper. _His diaper. _When he finished his call he frowned.

"It seems you won't be getting a new body," he said. "Nor will we be erasing your past life's consciousness."

I stared at him.

"But," he continued. "We will be ensuring your body is fully healed and giving you forty extra years of life."

"Am I supposed to jump for joy?" I asked.

"Be grateful. Most people don't get deals like this," he snapped. "Anyway, the healing process will also be slightly quicker as well. I'll stop by when you're discharged with Haru Miura's file."

"File?" I repeated. "Why do I need her file?"

"Right now if you're in the hospital, so people can blame any weird behaviour on the accident," he said, "But the second you get out of here, you're Haru Miura, so you better start acting like it."

"Look, this just doesn't make any sense-" before I could finish, Matthew vanished. Then the doctors and nurses all piled into my room in a crazed frenzy over the fact that I was awake and talking to myself.

Fabulous.


End file.
